First big meltdown

I have been anticipating a Blake meltdown for some time now, and have been quite surprised that it hasn't happened sooner.  Don't get me wrong, I've had my moments but I'm talking about the big blubbering breakdown.

It all started when I was giving Reese a bottle to top her off one night.  By the end of the day I've been feeling like my milk supply is low, so we have been supplementing with formula before bed.  Anyways, I was giving her the bottle, rocking her in her room, and Reese's little hand grabbed onto my fingers as I held the bottle...exactly like Blake used to do.  Blake never held his own bottle at bedtime, he always held my fingers and I would hold the bottle.  Just feeling her warm little hand in that position made me completely lose it.  Not to mention she looks exactly like Blake when she is in her jammies, bow-less, and sleeping. She was so peaceful and falling deep into sleep, and I was sitting there blubbering and dripping tears all over her.  I couldn't help it.  I never would have thought that would be the moment that would make me break down, but it goes to show it's all the little things that really make an impression in our hearts.  I love that Reese reminds me of Blake in so many ways.  It's very comforting and I love that it keeps Blake's spirit and memory fresh in our daily life.

Having Reese in our life is amazing, I know I've said that a million times, but it truly is.  This past weekend we were around a lot of people who didn't know about Blake, so the common question when they meet us and Reese is, "Is she your first"...always leads to an awkward response from me because I still stutter a little when I answer, but I always tell them about Blake and I always will.  This lead me into a very heartfelt conversation with another mom and I told her it was very hard to be a mom with empty arms...Reese fills our arms and helps fill our hearts.  It's that simple.   I love this girl just as much as I love Blake and that's a beautiful thing!

My two loves at 2 months old